The Sessions
by Tickle2Kill
Summary: This is 'Six Degrees of Relation' hosted by Dr Phil. Thor speaks with his brother, Loki and his son, James T Kirk, while his mortal brother, Liam joins in. Reviews welcome!
1. Session 1

A/N: Okay, so I was talking with (Erase the spaces: ht tp : / www . fanfiction . net /u/1192830/ ) and this came about in my head. Dedicated to K.D. Sparrow for the inspiration and laughs. Enjoy! _**Tickle2Kill**_

* * *

><p><em>A small meeting room, a round table with five chairs and coffee, a pen on a pad of yellow paper sits in the middle.<em>

Thor gets there first, a thunderbolt crackling across the room and shaking the motivational poster off the wall. A thin crack spreads across the glass, obscuring the words, "Live long and prosper.", Spock's face wrinkled as the paper slides inside its frame. As Thor looks about, he sees his brother, Loki, in a chair, flipping through a magazine titled 'Frost Giant's Weekly'. The blue-green eyes flicking across the page don't look up.

The hulky Thor sets Mjolnir on the table and sits, the armor shifting as the seat groans beneath him. Loki flips a page. There is a blue shimmering in the corner and suddenly Kirk appears, a haughty self-assuredness about him as he grins at the men. Kirk finds his seat and pulls his coffee towards him. Liam is last, it appears, as he opens the door that everyone else has ignored and slides in. With all of them in their seats, Dr Phil steps in. He pulls the pad and pen towards him and takes the last seat.

"Alright, we're here today to talk about our problems..." his words are interrupted as Loki appears and looks around, his armor gleaming in the one overhead light. He raises an eyebrow at the others and flicks his wrist, the duplicate Loki vanishing from the chair with his magazine.

"What have I missed? Nothing? Good, let us continue." He slides into the seat his shadow self vacated and watches the others.

Dr Phil works his mouth for a moment, then nods. "Does anyone want to go first?"

Thor shifts in his seat and shakes his head. "My father, Odin Allfather, told me I was to do this counselling or he would eat my liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti. That is the only reason I am here."

Loki chuckled behind his hand, shifted _Gungnir _to the left and sat it against the wall. "All my problems have been dealt with, I have no need of these things."

"Why are you here then, brother?" Thor asked, raising an eyebrow.

Loki looked awkward before he rolled his eyes. "Same as you."

Dr Phil nodded. "Well, why ever we're here, we have got to talk about your issues. Holding these things in is just going to cause further damage."

"The only problem that I have is that I never got to know my father before he died."

Dr Phil nodded and brought Thor to the forefront. "Well, what have you got to say, Thor? Do you want to get to know your son now that you've got the chance?"

The Thunder God glanced over at his son, Captain James Tiberius Kirk, and his eyes widened. "Son, but I am no more than a boy myself."

"Now that's a good point, let's talk about that. Do you remember his mother and what led up to your relationship?"

Thor closed his eyes and thought about it. "She used to be a doctor or something similar at a house. I do not remember much of how we grew together, I only recall that I had to save the people from these _Romulans_. The ship I captained could not steer itself and I had to sacrifice myself for the whole. The former captain had just left to deal with a man I recall was once Bruce Banner, though this former captain himself was once Raza, a Tony Stark villain. Right as the ship began to slam into the larger Romulan one, I heard within my head Heimdall's voice. When I woke next, I was within my bed in Asgard, my hammer, Mjolnir, by my side."

"Did you even remember you had a son?" Kirk asked, sipping his coffee.

"No. I only remember that I was to be named heir of the Asgardian throne that day. Loki came to congratulate me."

"And Kirk, how are you dealing with this?"

He shrugged and looked away. "It's not like I had him to miss him. I don't really feel anything."

"And Liam, how are you coping with the knowledge that you have a nephew?"

"I think it's pretty cool."

"Alright, Loki, onto you. How are you dealing with the knowledge you have a mortal nephew?"

"Foster-nephew. I have no blood with either of them." Loki sipped his coffee, frowned and waved his hand over the cup. The liquid turned red.

"Ah, yes. And how do you feel about that? You're a..." Dr Phil glanced at his paper and nodded. "Jotun, right? Son of Laufey the Frost Giant King?"

"That is shady as my mother is actually Laufey and my father is Fárbauti, but in the pursuit of erasing semantics, yes, I am Loki Laufeyson and a Jotun."

"And how are you feeling about that? Odin obviously used you as a child for a peace with your native people. Did you never feel like a hostage?"

Loki smiled tightly and shook his head. "I was well loved in Asgard by my parents and my foster-brother. My anger means nothing, though I would have rather known about my heritage than be lied to for all my life."

"He wanted to protect you. He loved you and wanted you to grow up with all the things I had." Thor replied, shoving the coffee away.

"_All the things you had?_ Are you simply delusional? No one loved me as they loved you. No one cheered for my successes. When I saved the world they would clap and nod and forget I even existed, but if you saved a kitten suddenly you deserved a year-long festival. I had nothing of what you had."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"What does it matter, you pale little walrus, what I feel?" Loki went to stand, but Kirk laughed, and he paused.

"Walrus." Kirk laughed again. "You and Bones would get along well, I think."

"Bones? Why would I _get along_ with bones?" Loki found himself sitting and watching this yellow clad man.

"He's got that same sort of humor. Next you'll be saying, _'Damn it, Thor, I'm a Jotun not a miracle-worker, make your own damn dress.'_"

Loki smiled at this man and decided he would stay. It was made even better by Thor's face.

"Dress? What is this about a dress?"

_**To Be Continued...**_


	2. Session 2

A/N: Again, still for K. D. Sparrow. Hope you enjoy this one, too! I'm discovering how interconnected everything is as I go along. It's actually rather muddled. Anyway, onwards to the chapter. **_Tickle2Kill_**

* * *

><p>The story of the dress had been told and Thor sat with an angry frown as both his brother, Liam and his son, Kirk laughed themselves to tears at Loki's retelling.<p>

"So," Loki continued, sitting forward conspiratorily. "You could have been step-son to a Jotun. And Thor would be your mother."

Even Dr Phil's lips curved upwards at the words and their image. At the sight, Thor slammed his fist into the round table and it cracked beneath his palm.

"That is enough of tales!" his voice sounded both deep and angry, but peppered along the high tones was embarrassment.

Loki chuckled and sat back, kicking his feet up atop the table. "Can't take the thought of losing old Mjolnir or losing your virginity?"

Thor's face collapsed and suddenly his hammer was on Loki's chest. Loki's eyes widened and there was an almighty thump as he crashed to the ground with his chair. Dr Phil stood and tried to lift the thing, but his back popped and he resumed his seat.

"That's..." he panted at the pain in his back. "That's not the way we handle things when we're angry, Thor! Get Mjolnir off your brother so we can continue this session."

His nostrils flared and his eyes were little specks of blue beneath his scrunched brow, but Thor sighed and threw out his hand. _Mjolnir_ flew straight into it within half a second. Suddenly the mischievous god was on his feet and his hair fell about his eyes in disarray. There was a mad gleam within his swirling orbs and he barely suppressed a tick in his face.

"I am finished with this farce. Odin can eat my liver with whatever he likes, I will not stay here." Before Dr Phil could utter even a letter, Loki grabbed _Gungnir_ and vanished.

"Look what you've done, Chris. Tom is totally going to PWN something now." Liam said, shaking his head.

Dr Phil frowned and looked to Thor. "Chris? Is that some secret identity?"

Thor shook his head. "It is my mortal name, nothing more."

"Hey, my name is Chris, too."

"I thought it was James?" Dr Phil asked.

"No, that's Kirk, I'm actually a Pine."

"Isn't that a tree, mortal son?"

As they were speaking, a loud scream was heard and Loki reappeared in the room, falling gracelessly to the carpeted floor. The pad of paper in Dr Phil's hand swirled and he pressed it down gently.

"Father cast you back, didn't he?" Thor asked, his lips curling upward in amusement.

"Not another word, you selfish bastard. Not one." Loki pulled his chair back and sat in it, crossing his arms over his chest. His hair was still in disarray and he did nothing to fix it.

"We were talking about names. Do you have an alternative name?" Dr Phil asked, trying to ease everyone back into the conversation.

Loki sighed, frowned and nodded. "I also go by Tom when I am in mortal form. What does it matter?"

"The guy who was Kirk before me was called William." Kirk-Pine put out on the table, looking around at everyone.

"My mortal middle name is William." Loki said, frowning. "How many things connect us now?"

"My name is just a short version of William." Liam put out, but everyone continued frowning and thinking.

"I did a Shakespearean play and the playwright's name is William as well." Loki added, chuckling.

"You know, I just realized, you look like Data from that other fleet. You'd just need some make-up."

Loki raised a brow. "Data? How does one go about looking like data?"

"No, he's a person, man. Data's just his name."

"That is a foolish name for a child. What parent would do such a thing?" Loki asked.

"Whoever brought his parts together. He was an android."

"Android? Is that some Midgardian disease?"

"No, you see, it's..."

Kirk and Loki became ensnared in their conversation and Liam smiled.

"I'm in a movie with a girl who was in a movie about a person who's a younger version of the guy who was Captain of that other fleet. Jean-Luc Picard was his captain name, Charles Xavier was his other one. He ran this school with a whole bunch of mutants."

Thor was staring at his foster-brother and his son, Dr Phil was observing the whole scene and no one answered Liam.

"The girl that I thought I'd get with was actually in with my friend, Spock. He's a Vulcan. And then I find out she's in this thing with this guy called Chris, too. Except he's an Evans."

"Evans?" Loki murmured. "Steve Rogers alternative name is Chris Evans. Oh, now that I think of it, there is also a Bruce Banner. How odd."

"Isn't that the Avengers or something?" Liam asked, but no one listens to Liam.

Loki continued. "Thor mentioned a Tony Stark earlier and he is in this group as well. What are they called again?"

"Avengers." Liam put in, but again, no one listens to Liam.

"I'm not sure," Kirk-Pine said, scratching his chin. "But then, I find out she's also in this thing was this guy named Sam. And that dude was a robot or something in this thing with Bruce Wayne."

"Another Bruce?" Loki asked.

"That's what I heard, at least. And then this Sam guy is in another thing with Voldemort, but it turns out that he's Hades or something."

"Voldemort? What is that?" Loki asked, refilling his cup. After about ten minutes of continued conversation, Dr Phil cut in.

"This is good, we're talking about ourselves without fighting. Thor would you like to say something?"

He gazed at everyone, then back to _Mjolnir_. "I can dance."

Loki scoffed and pulled his half-empty cup to his lips. "As can I, dear brother."

Thor shook his head. "No, I danced with gusto, you dance with swinging limbs."

"We honestly aren't going to get into this are we?" Loki asked, and Thor stood.

"I dare you to prove you can dance better!"

A smug, calulating, triumphant smirk slid across Loki's face, his eyes sparkling merrily and he put out a hand. "Dare accepted."

**_To Be Continued..._**


End file.
